In our diet-obsessed, fat-hating culture, it’s nearly impossible to avoid conversations about weight loss, fad diets, wellness dogma, and commentary on people’s bodies. This is especially true in social spaces like workplace break rooms, family get togethers, and holidays. Setting boundaries around diets and bodies is one of the best things you can do for yourself. As much as you might want to scream “Fuck off, Aunt Linda”, it’s likely not as effective as some other approaches (though it is always an option!).

Many people we’ve supported have had hurtful experiences like loved ones judging what’s on their plate, criticizing appearances, or pushing unwanted diet and health advice. These comments can cut deeply, and almost always reinforce feelings of being unworthy, unlovable, and never good enough.

The hard truth is most people—even loved ones acting with good intentions—remain uneducated about how psychologically damaging anti-fat conversations can be.

So how can you protect your peace and prioritize your wellbeing when your family and friends engage in diet culture rhetoric? Setting firm yet compassionate boundaries is key. In this post, we’ll explore strategies for navigating boundaries around diet and wellness talk.

Prentis Hemphill, therapist and somatic facilitator, said, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

Boundaries are less about keeping people out and more about tending to your needs when you interact with people around you. Boundaries are both your yes and your no – what you want or need as well as what you don’t want or won’t accept.

Despite common misconceptions, boundaries are not about controlling other people’s behavior. Instead, boundaries are about communicating what you need and then taking action based on how others respond to that request. For instance, if your colleagues frequently make comments about your food choices, your boundary is less about telling them they can’t do that and more about saying what you need and what you’ll choose to do if it continues.

That might sound something like, “Kelly, comments about what I eat really hurt. Please stop commenting on my food choices or I won’t continue joining you for lunch.”

Boundaries help protect your emotional and psychological safety. Boundaries preserve your peace of mind. Through boundaries, you can more easily curate an environment of self-acceptance and body celebration.

It takes courage to set boundaries because there is risk involved. To share a boundary is to make yourself visible and to risk disappointing, frustrating, or angering others. This may make the people-pleaser in you extremely uncomfortable, but it does get easier with practice.

Boundaries are a way of saying: “I love you and value our relationship and my mental health matters. Let’s find a way forward.”

If a friend or loved one won’t (not can’t, WON’T) respect your boundaries, it’s helpful information about them that you can use to decide whether they’re someone who can remain in your life in the same capacity.

Before entering situations where diet talk may arise, get grounded in a few core intentions:

1. Reconnect with your intrinsic worth and your right to exist in the body you have now. You don’t owe anyone weight loss.

2. Resolve not to defend, justify, or make excuses about your body or food choices. These are personal decisions deserving of basic respect. A boundary never has to be justified. Repeat that to yourself.

3. If it’s a situation with people you care about, approach the situation with compassion, curiosity, and truth. Check in with yourself around how much energy you have and whether you want to engage in certain conversations.

4. Remember that your body is always working its hardest on your behalf. It deserves kindness, not ridicule or judgment.

5. Release any expectations for others to immediately “get it.” Change happens over time and requires patience and grace.

By pausing to connect with intentions like this, you can create a foundation from which to respond to diet talk with clarity and confidence, rather than reacting from hurt.

First and foremost, boundary setting is not about “getting it right”.

You can set the most elegant, clear boundary and get terrible responses from people, just as you can set a murky, unclear boundary and have it respected beautifully. Because boundaries are about you AND the people you’re communicating with – if they are unable/unwilling to hear your needs and the impact they have on others, they likely won’t be able to honor your boundary no matter how perfectly it’s worded.

Boundaries are about advocating for yourself.

Boundaries are about coming home to yourself, honoring your needs because you know you deserve respect.

If someone cannot or will not hear you, you simply enforce the boundary by leaving or changing the subject or asking for help – doing what YOU can do in the face of their inability to meet you.

Here are some scripts you can try on:

Pause and acknowledge the sting first – “Ouch, comments about my body/eating habits really sting.”

Share how diet talk impacts you –“When you judge my plate/appearance, my shame gets big. Those kinds of comments are not helpful for the healing I’m trying to do.”

Directly state your need – “Going forward, I’ll remove myself from any conversations critiquing my body or eating habits. I need to feel safe being myself around you.”

Model healthy perspective – “I know this comes from concerns about health, but there are many paths to wellbeing. My weight/food choices are private and not up for discussion.”

Suggest an alternative – “Instead of comments about my body, I’d really appreciate you complimenting qualities you appreciate about me as a person.”

Appreciate good intentions but hold firm – “I understand you want me to feel accepted and cared for. But comments about dieting or how I look reinforce my insecurities rather than self-love.”

If boundaries are not respected – Stop, breathe, and calmly restate your boundary. If it persists, remove yourself from the situation: “This conversation is no longer productive. I’m going to step away.”

Cristien Storm, therapist and boundary expert, has written about a few techniques that can really help when we’re setting boundaries.

It was from her that we learned the critical lesson that your boundaries never have to be justified. Your boundaries DO NOT NEED TO MAKE SENSE to anyone but you. This is because boundaries are not about getting others to do something but instead about what you need and what you’ll do if their behavior continues.

Often people will try to talk you out of a boundary by getting you to justify it, so they can chip away at it through various arguments. This kind of manipulation is easier to spot when you stop feeling like you have to justify your boundaries.

One of the techniques Storm teaches is called the Broken Record. You can do this softly and with love or firmly and loudly – it all depends on the context of the situation and your relationship with the person.

The Broken Record is often needed with family where patterns are deeply entrenched. All you do is restate your boundary. Again. And again. And again. This is especially helpful when someone is demanding (directly or through “teasing”) that you justify yourself. The broken record puts the focus back on their behavior.

“Uncle Bob, we talked about this. I will not accept comments about my body.”

“Uncle Bob, please stop making comments about my body.”

“You’re doing it again. I will interrupt you every time. Please stop.”

“We’ve talked about this, Uncle Bob. My body is not up for commentary. If this continues, I will ask you to leave.”

It can also be as simple as repeating your no.

Another example might sound like:

“I’m not answering that question.”

“I’m not going to answer that question.”

“No. I will not answer that nor will I explain myself.”

“Nope. And because you can’t respect my no, I’ll be calling an Uber and leaving.”

The Broken Record is a helpful technique that keeps the focus on the boundary and the behavior.

Though setting boundaries can feel daunting, it’s a crucial aspect of nurturing and fostering healthy relationships. Particularly with loved ones, it can help to:

• Assume positive intentions. Their behavior likely stems from their own insecurities and the rampant misinformation that is normalized at a cultural level.

• Have realistic expectations. It may take time for new perspectives on weight and diet culture to fully sink in.

• Share education gently. Provide resources on weight stigma, body positivity, and Health At Every Size that resonate with you. We love the book Reclaiming Body Trust by Hilary Kinavey and Dana Sturtevant.

• Focus on your personal experience. Share how diet talk makes you feel using “I statements” rather than “you statements” which trigger defensiveness.

• Set consequences consistently. If boundaries continue getting violated, you may need to limit time together until they adjust.

• Allow them to make mistakes. Correct with compassion if missteps occur as they build body-inclusive awareness.

• Express appreciation when they get it right. Trying on new thoughts and ideas can bring up deeply held fears and stories, so effort in this arena can feel scary.

The work of unlearning diet culture messaging is tough for all of us.

Meeting loved ones with empathy and care—while firmly upholding your boundaries—creates growth opportunities. As Cristien Storm teaches, you can tend to the feelings about the boundary without sacrificing the boundary itself.

Sadly, you may find some friends and family members remain stubbornly attached to diet culture and refuse to respect your boundaries. If that’s the case, it’s imperative to prioritize your peace by scaling back exposure to those relationships. As the saying goes: You can’t pour from an empty cup.

We want to stress that you do not need to subject yourself to harm, derision, or abuse about your body or food choices in order to be loved and accepted. Full stop. Any person incapable of respecting the human dignity you’re asking for likely has deeper healing to do themselves.

Setting boundaries and prioritizing relationships that celebrate all you are—including your body—is an act of self-regard. It can be scary to challenge norms in your family and among friends, but you deserve to cultivate spaces free from all diet talk, body shaming, and wellness ideology.