So you’ve made the courageous decision to start (or return to) therapy – that’s amazing! Prioritizing your mental health and personal growth is huge, particularly for people who are frequently denied access to affirming care (fat folks, disabled folks, trans and nonbinary folks, BIPOC, and others).

Now comes the important task of finding the right therapist for you. Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all experience, nor should it be. Especially when you’re in a body that experiences ongoing othering and oppression.

No one in the world has had your experiences, your family, your hopes and dreams, your relationships. Finding the right therapeutic fit – someone you genuinely connect with who can hold space for your authentic self – makes a significant difference in the healing process.

In fact, there is an abundance of research showing that the therapeutic alliance – the relationship between the client and the therapist – is the single most important factor in successful therapy.

When there’s mutual trust, attunement, and understanding between client and therapist, you’ll be able to go deeper into the work of healing and transformation. (This isn’t to say you won’t occasionally feel frustrated, uncomfortable, or upset with your therapist – that’s a normal part of being in relationship. But your connection allows you to work through those things as a team.)

Many of our clients have shared how radically different therapy feels when they work with a fat therapist who shares the lived experience of navigating an anti-fat world.

As a therapist, I know how invaluable connection is. My role isn’t to be a blank slate or all-knowing expert directing you what to do. The old stereotype of an impassive professional coolly judging the client from behind their clipboard was born of patriarchal old men who didn’t realize their “blank slate” significantly impacted their clients.

Feminist and queer theories stress how powerful and beautiful it is for the counselor to be a relational partner who shows up as their whole, imperfect self – including their intersecting identities, life philosophies, and theoretical orientations. The work of the professional is to have enough self-insight to see how our way of being and moving through the world impacts the people we work with.

I firmly believe (and I’m not alone!) that therapy is a collaborative endeavor that should honor the wisdom and expertise of both the provider AND the client.

You are the expert in your life. A radical approach to healing that challenges dominant narratives is about meeting you where you are without judgment, asking careful and thoughtful questions, and taking a stance of compassionate, genuine curiosity about your inner world.

While relational authenticity is crucial for deep work, it also makes finding an aligned fit that much more important. You deserve to feel seen, heard, and supported by someone who “gets” you.

With that in mind, here are some tips for identifying the right therapist for your needs.

Before reaching out to counsellors, it helps to get clear on your reasons for seeking support.

Is it to heal from past trauma? Break through emotional blocks? Better understand your patterns and coping mechanisms? Navigate a life transition or relationship issues? Disrupt intergenerational patterns?

Getting grounded in your “why” can help you assess whether a therapist’s expertise and approach resonates with your goals. It’s okay if your reasons feel uncertain or change over time – but having a rough vision can steer you in the right direction.

This is especially true for people in bigger bodies. Finding a mental health provider who has broken up with diet culture, engages in fat activism, and has colleagues who support their ongoing commitment to this specialized space is important and rare.

You’ll also want to consider your preferences around a therapist’s background, identities, or personal philosophies. Like dating, you’re unlikely to find someone who checks ALL the boxes, so focus on what matters most.

For instance, do you prefer working with someone of a similar gender, race, sexual orientation, age, or culture?

Would you appreciate a therapist who is queer or queer affirming? Who has an anti-oppression lens and understands intersectionality? Is body positive, weight-inclusive, anti-diet, and Health at Every Size (HAES) informed? Values disrupting dominant narratives? Considers themselves a feminist?

While therapists strive to be open, affirming, and non-judgmental across differences, there is something special about working with someone who intrinsically “gets” core pieces of your lived experience. That embodied attunement can create a sense of safety and feeling known.

I personally believe it’s also crucial for mental health professionals to actively engage in values-aligned activism and community work.

Many of the challenges we are facing are not personal failings but rather systemic abuses. An apolitical counsellor is far more likely to position the problem of capitalism, patriarchy, ableism, and heterosexism as a problem residing within you.

Most therapists’ online profiles will list their specialties, types of clients they work with, and therapeutic modalities/approaches.

Ask yourself if they have expertise around the issues you’re seeking support with like trauma, disordered eating, relationship issues, anxiety, depression, identity exploration, etc. Trust your gut, too. Some clinicians may not specialize in something, but because you two have chemistry, they may have something important to offer.

You’ll also want to consider their general therapeutic approaches. Do their methods resonate with you – things like EMDR, CBT, mindfulness, IFS, ACT, EFT, psychodynamic, somatic, etc.?

Don’t get too bogged down in the exact acronyms or terminology, but notice if their philosophical foundations feel like a good fit.

For instance, someone who practices IFS (Internal Family Systems) and somatic therapy may be a better match for healing from trauma than a purely CBT therapist.

And remember – the therapeutic relationship is far, far more likely to contribute to your goals and healing outcomes than the particular approach they use. If you’re feeling rigid around a therapist using one specific modality, that may be a perfect place for a little exploration and trying something outside the box.

Crucially, look for cues around their stance on the therapist-client relationship.

If you resonate with my post-modern, non-hierarchical, collaborative approach – look for language around being partners or co-conspirators in the process rather than an expert who analyzes or prescribes certain ways of being to you. Consider it a green flag if they describe themselves as real, authentic, critical of the field of mental health, and transparent.

Pay close attention to how therapists describe themselves and the way they attune to potential fit. Do they openly share their social location, values, and philosophies – or keep things vague? Do they share photos and a warm bio, or is their online presence generic and bland (or worse, oppressive)?

For fat folks, it can help to see who the therapist follows on social media. If they follow a lot of dieting, weight loss, wellness, or pretty-privilege influencers, they may still be colluding with diet culture and hold a lot of unchecked anti-fat bias.

Generally speaking, the more transparent they are upfront, the better you’ll be able to assess if they’re the type of therapist you’d click with. Those who stay vague or “neutral” aren’t necessarily a bad option, but for most of us, having at least some window into a counselor’s human-ness creates an easier path towards building trust and rapport.

You can also pick up on personality style and energy through the way someone communicates on things like their website, email responses, or intake forms. Do they come across as nurturing and compassionate? Philosophical and cerebral? Playful yet focused?

While not a perfect science, these initial impressions give you a felt sense of whether your styles could be complementary.

Of course, you’ll also want to factor in important pragmatic things like:

• – Location or virtual options, availability for appointments, and whether they’re accepting new clients
• – Your health insurance or financial situation
• – Specialties or training working with specific populations or issues
• – Therapeutic setting preferences (one-on-one, couples, group, etc.)

If those practical needs aren’t met from the start, it doesn’t matter how perfectly aligned someone may seem – a lack of access will seriously hinder your ability to show up for sessions and stay consistent.

Ultimately, finding your therapeutic match is an intuitive process. Even with all the right training, specialties, and values alignments checked off, you’ll know within your first few interactions if you’ve made a genuine, resonant match.

Maybe it’s in the way their presence instantly puts you at ease, how their words seem to deeply attune to your inner world, or that sense of an inexplicable, trustworthy bond beginning to form. Like any relationship, healthy therapeutic rapport involves some level of mystery and indefinable personal chemistry.

Don’t be afraid to meet with a few options before committing, too.

Give yourself permission to acknowledge if things just don’t feel quite right – and keep searching for the person who feels like a good fit. Your time, vulnerability, and financial investment is precious. You deserve to have confidence in the therapist holding space for your growth.

The journey of finding your ideal therapeutic partner may require some patience and front-end work, but it’s so worth it. When you can nurture a connection and attunement with your provider, healing opportunities open up in profound and beautiful ways.

If you’re interested in getting support from one of our therapists, we’d love to hear from you.

Some providers are just right for a short time, some for a season, and others for a decade. It can put a lot of pressure on yourself and potential clinicians if the expectation is forever.

As you learn new skills, gain new insights, and engage in healing work, you may find it’s time to move on. Or, your counselor may even bring it up themselves if they notice the work is stalling. This can be frightening for those of us with attachment wounds and relational trauma, but it can also be exactly what we need to continue our healing journey.

It’s also important to remember that this is a relationship between two (or more) imperfect human beings doing their best.

It’s very likely that if you’re really engaged in the process and leaning into tender edges, mistakes and missteps will happen. You may find there are moments when you feel disappointed, frustrated, or even hurt by your therapist. This is part of being in relationship. The repair process is often one of the richest places for healing work.

Your counselor may set boundaries with you that, depending on your relational trauma, may bring up big feelings. That’s OK, too. You can work with your counselor around those places where things feel scary or upsetting.

Finally, it can help to remember that a relationship ending does not mean the work you did prior to that ending is undone. We can carry the lessons, the growth, the tools and skills forward even when the relationship is over.